Definitions of Forgiveness
Many people consider forgiveness as a virtue and something desirable. Nevertheless, people define it differently, probably depending on circumstances. As Jeffrie Murphy puts it, forgiveness is the forswearing of resentment- the resolute overcoming of the anger and hatred that are naturally directed toward a person who has done an unjustified and non-excused moral injury. According to this statement, forgiveness is directly related to moral obligation from individuals. It suggests that unjustified moral injury to a person may cause anger and hatred that can only be overcome through forgiveness. On the same note, this definition gives a parallel between forgiveness and resentment. For instance, forgiveness helps in overcoming certain vices like anger and hatred; however, resentment may lead to other negative impacts. This is an important definition because lack of forgiveness easily leads to other negative consequence to an individual and the community. This also shows that a person full of resentment may end up adding more harm to an already deteriorated situation.
In order to define forgiveness, there is a need to capture the different parties involved. For instance, a person who has been wronged and the accused must see the need of coming together in order to solve the situation. This also calls for acceptance of the wrong and embracing the need to stop dwelling on the wrongs committed. Forgiveness is possible when the aggrieved and the other party have the opportunity to sit down, open themselves up, and listen to each other with an intention of letting the past go away. In a situation where an injury occurs in a working environment, it would be more productive to work towards forgiveness because productivity of the parties may reduce due to bitterness and resentment. A decision that makes one party victorious may lead to lack of understanding and harmony in the work place, the best decision being the pursuit towards forgiveness. In such cases, mediators have the responsibility of bringing both parties in one table in order to work towards understanding each other. Both parties will still need each other with time, especially when circumstances dictate. An effort towards forgiveness will ensure that the injured overcomes bitterness while the accused also overcomes guilt.
The major challenge on forgiveness comes out when it comes to politics. Historically, many atrocities have been committed to certain persons, leading to cycles of revenge and cries of innocence. In politics, forgiveness can only have the true meaning when revenge stops and the accused stop working towards proving innocence. The need to publicly know what mistakes were done is important into accepting and deciding to forgive. Nevertheless, forgiveness differs from mercy because the former entails a situation where the victim works to overcome vices like resentment and hatred while mercy comes in when certain passions like love are involved. Therefore, forgiveness can only occur in the right context. Forgiveness is an important act that sets people free from some of the previous experiences. However, there is need to have an approach that ensures all the parties involved come together to lay everything down. In the legal field, forgiveness may have many other aspects that determine its administration. For instance, the lawyer or mediator may fail to advice for it because it entails accepting liability for the wrong done. For this reason, lawyers would find it difficult to route for the same because of the conditions and the repercussions that come with it.
Forgiveness for Parental Deficiencies
The first thing that my sibling has to understand is that all decisions our parents made came from their quest for all of us to meet certain expectations. Therefore, may have taken some of the decisions on the negative rather than positive. It is true that our parents may have made some parental mistakes; however, such may or may have not been committed knowingly. All the same, it is good that my sibling have a strong desire to forgive my parents for the deficiencies they may have had earlier. According to me, this call for a serious process that requires all parties to come together, here each other, accept what happened and decide to forgive and forget for the sake of moving forward.
There is no true forgiveness if no parties have had a chance to meet and say their part concerning the real or perceived deficiencies on parenting. I know that due to the bitterness that my sibling may have, it would be difficult to approach the parent in order to seek an audience. Therefore, the best thing would be to have a mediator, a role I freely volunteer to play in the process. The mediator will help to bring the parties on a table in order to put everything straight. The work of the mediator will be to listen to the sibling, then approach the parents with the feelings that the child has concerning the previous parenting decisions. The parent has to know that there are hard feelings concerning their upbringing. This is important because the parents may fail to notice resentment and the negative impact certain parenting decisions had brought on their children. Therefore, the mediator would help bring the issue to their knowledge and at the same time give the intention to forgive some of the mistakes that occurred. In this case, do not forget that a child desires to forgive a parent for what, according to the child, the parent had done wrong.
For this reason, it will be important for my sibling to sit down with my parents with the mediator present in order to give an account of what had happened in the past. The first will be for the sibling to tell everyone on some of the deficiencies that may have existed in terms of parenting, showing some of the effect they brought to him in the subsequent years. It is true that some decisions made or imposed on you may have far-reaching impact on the development of a child. The ability of the sibling to lay everything bare, including disappointments, will be the first step towards healing and true forgiveness. In this session, the child will be allowed to show emotional expressions in order to produce the actual effect of the past actions. The parent will also be allowed to tell the parties the reasons for taking certain decisions, with a view to defending their parental standpoints in the past.
I still reiterate that the best way towards forgiveness is the ability to come together, in an environment where all parties can freely show their disappointments and failures. It is a fact that our parents had clear deficiencies in their parenting skills, something that affected all of us. An avenue to show our disappointments will help initiate the true healing from within our hearts. This will also help us have the right perspective towards our parents and understanding of the failures. On the other side, our parents will also be able to understand our feelings about some of the decisions they made for us or forced us to follow while we were growing up. We never had the chance to question some of the decisions made for us in the past; however, sitting down together will provide this opportunity to show our disappointments and failure to live up to the expectations of the standards in place. Our inability to achieve some of the targets during our young days made us look like we were not able to make it in life; we looked like we were failures. The goal of this process is to help us get true reconciliation with our parents. We all stand to understand and accept our feelings towards some of the actions of the past in order to works towards accepting each other and our roles.
Forgiveness after an Unfair Serious Injury
Injuries are never good, especially when they are caused under circumstances that seem unfair. This comes from the fact that they can lead to permanent disabilities and inability to do any constructive work in life. In most of these cases, attorneys work towards ensuring that the law helps the victim to get the necessary justice. Most attorneys would work to ensure that necessary compensation is awarded to the victims in order to cover up for the unfair injury caused. However, there may be conditions that may require an attorney or a mediator to work towards forgiveness instead of the long and tedious court cases. In the natural sense, the unfairness in the injury comes up to be the main strong point in proving the guilt of the accused. For this reason, many victims would opt for the court case towards a specific court victory and subsequent settlement.
Mediators or attorneys may opt for forgiveness is such cases there is a clear sign that the outcome of the court case may not resolve the pain caused by the injuries. An unfair injury means that someone may have been responsible for it. It also means that someone did not play his/her role before the occurrence. It is painful to have an injury that you can easily blame on the negligence of another person. This means that no matter the outcome of such court case, the pain, blame, and bitterness will always remain with the victim. For this reason, the best route would be to work towards forgiveness by all parties. Again, it is important to reiterate that a civil court case would only lead to the victory of one party over the other, an outcome that is partial and not beneficial. It leaves more wounds inflicted and more damages to other parties. In most cases, such perceived victories lead to more alienation and gaps between the injured victims and the accused. In addition, a settlement may not help in erasing the bitterness, guilt, blame, and rage between the parties. Here, mediators can work towards forgiveness between the parties involved.
It is true that injury may have been caused by an act of negligence; however, the causer end up living in fear and guilt for the action for the rest of the days. As stated before, it may be counterproductive in many ways and to both parties, just to pursue other ways of getting redress. In forgiveness, both parties are involved in accepting their own as well as the other’s failures. In this way, the attorneys or mediators will ensure that all bitterness, resentment, and guilt are overcome. In a work environment, there is need for some harmony in order to ensure an increasing productivity. This may be an important factor in considering forgiveness as a way to solve the situation, especially when all parties may constantly be forced to work together in the same environment even after the incident.
In conclusion, forgiveness still stands out to be an important deliberate action that seeks to bring true reconciliation. An important route towards achieving true forgiveness comes from the willingness of both parties towards the same. For instance, attorneys can only achieve forgiveness in this injury case when the accused and the victim agree to coming together in order to show their feelings and regret about the occurrence. Both parties must be ready to come to the same level where they freely open their hearts on what happened and the impact in their lives, after which, they will be able to achieve the true forgiveness that leads to reconciliation. Difficulty comes when the lawyer refuses for an apology to be made because it means acceptance of liability and the wring done. As noted above, forgiveness requires coming together of all parties in order to make known what may have happened during and after the incident. After which each party accepts to forgive each other in order to maintain the relationship. This is important, especially when it comes to a situation where all parties share a working environment. It is fare for an apology to be made by the accused party.