Sample History Essay Paper on Rough Draft Response

Rough Draft Response

The Rough Draft includes a thesis statement that gives an answer to the Essential Question. From a reader’s point of view, the Essential Question seeks an explanation as to why European traders preferred water routes during trade and exploration in the ancient years. The answer to the question is given through a simple declaration of the personal feeling of the author, which is the essay’s thesis statement. The thesis statement appears in the correct place, which like in other essays, is in the last line of the introductory paragraph (Mielewczyk 33).

Moving to the body of the essay, the author does not provide a comprehensive answer to the Essential Question. The body of the essay with exception of the final paragraph includes information that is of no relevance to the thesis statement, and there is a provision of little evidence in support of the thesis statement leave for the final paragraph.

The points that are in support of the thesis statement are not well organized as expected by a reader (Mielewczyk 35). As a result, a reader might find it hard identifying the supportive points. Criticism of the draft is also based on the fact that two of the sources used are misinterpreted by the author, and these include Mooney and Polo sources that give information that is not in line with the focus of the thesis statement. It is also evident that most of the author’s claims are irrelevant and overboard generalizations that cannot be supported by the available sources. More citations should have been included yet this is not the case, and this implies that the author neglected evidence from the sources.

A reader of the essay would agree that the author did not include all of the required sources, and this is because the citations are scanty. Also, the used sources are not cited correctly as the use of citations together with quotation marks in the same phrase is incorrect. The author includes introductory phrases for the quotes used except for one in the final paragraph. He goes ahead to enclose all exact word-for-word quotations in quotation marks, and through this, he shows respect for the evidence. The quoted evidence is linked to exploration and trade, and thus supports the arguments of the essay. Although there is a footnote for each quote included, the citation used is incorrect. Moreover, the essay lacks a conclusion that gives a summary of the arguments of the thesis statement (Mielewczyk 40).

Work Cited

Mielewczyk, Frances. “Effective essay writing.” The Trainee Handbook: A Guide for Counselling & Psychotherapy Trainees, 2010: 33.