One of the biggest challenges in my life has been to accept and talk openly with my parents on issues related to sexuality. For a long time now, I have had the desire to engage my parents on sexual matters to get their opinion on what is right or wrong for me as a teenager. Of course, I am the only child in my family, and this has had adverse impacts on my relationship with other people, especially those of the opposite sex.
My interest in sexuality and sexual matters was influenced by frequent exposure to pornographic content between the age of ten and twelve. Back at school, our teachers usually stressed that we were approaching adolescence and that the failure to deal with peer pressure would see us get involved in societally unacceptable behaviors. Frequent and continuous exposure to pornographic material was one of the behaviors that I indulged in thanks to the influence of my peers. In the evening, after school, we would visit Jackie, a classmate who stayed with the elder sister. Surprisingly, Jackie’s elder sister did not spare time to counsel or advise her on the impacts of the exposure to pornographic material in future life. We took advantage of the situation, and we would lock ourselves up in Jackie’s bedroom after school to watch explicit sexual content. I can say that this is how I first learned about sexuality.
At the start, I loved the experiences learning about sexuality. I do remember how psyched up I was walking from school every day headed to Jackie’s. I would leave her place for home late in the evening with the company of other friends. We always desired to practice or have a taste of the experience we watched in the pornographic films. One weekend, Jackie and I planned to visit a swimming pool with the hope of finding and taking photographs of half-naked boys and girls hugging and kissing one another. This became a routine, and after several visits to the swimming pool, we had multiple photographs of the same most of which we would carry to school. I developed an interest towards boys at the age of twelve. At this point, I interacted more with male classmates than I did with my female friends, which raised concerns among my teachers and parents. Back at home, I had a rough time trying to explain to my parents why I was often in the company of boys rather than girls. In fact, my dad warned me against the behavior and threatened to transfer me to a different school. I managed to control my feelings towards boys in my class and school for a few weeks. At the time, Jackie would call me a coward and tell me how much I was missing by proving to be the “good girl” in school. These words had a significant influence on my relationship with male students both within and outside of school. I indulged in sexual behavior on numerous occasions especially when my parents were away.
Clearly, my childhood friends influenced my ideas and values about sexuality. Of course, the exposure to pornographic content, which can be attributed to the influence and pressure from friends, played a crucial role in my engagement in sexual behavior. Other than watching pornographic content, Jackie and other friends would buy magazines with pornographic content that I read often. The situation worsened when I would sneak the magazines into the classroom and read in the presence of teachers. This got me into trouble with teachers and the school administration on numerous occasions. At one time, my parents were summoned by the school head, and this is when they knew about my sexual escapades within and outside of school.
Several years later after the encounter with my parents and the school administration, I have made several strides when it comes to handling sexuality issues. I can openly talk to my parents about my sexual life; my partner and whether we have sex or not. However, there are some challenging areas about sex that I am yet to deal with. For instance, with the world fast embracing and accepting the use of contraceptives to prevent possible sexuality problems, I find it hard talking with my sexual partner about condoms and birth control. On several occasions, I have had the opinion that condoms and birth control are sensitive matters that should not be talked about openly. Moreover, I often have problems convincing my partner on the need of having sex frequently. Apparently, I am more interested in having sex than my partner is, and this has been a big challenge for me. There is no doubt that my interest in sex can be attributed to my exposure to sexual content at a young age. The fact that I am more interested in sex than my partner is has resulted in incidences close to rape or sexual assault. I firmly believe things will go out of hand unless I receive guidance and counseling on sexuality.